Reflection on Love and Relationships

By Lynette Carrington

Reflection on Love and Relationships

Reflection on Love and Relationships

As The Couples Expert, Stuart Fensterheim is much more than a couples’ counselor. He provides a unique insight combined with proven strategies that ultimately create a healthy and loving environment, a stronger personal bond and a more meaningful relationship. This week Fensterheim celebrates his birthday and reflects on his life experiences that have given him a deep personal understanding of how couples can construct a wonderful relationship together.

Fensterheim’s early recollections most certainly helped him in what he does today. “My parents divorced when I was eight,” explains Fensterheim. “The first recollection is the pain that can come when the relationship is not working. I have a memory of my dad being unhappy and the two of them, who are very different people who defined what they needed to feel loved. They were not able to maintain their relationships and it had an impact on the whole family.”

Those initial bad memories turned for better. “The two of them later found people that made them incredibly happy,” says Fensterheim. “Dad found someone and they were together for many, many years until she passed away from illness. It was really a love that took them through hard times, good times, etc. My mother is still with my step-dad and they are very happy. We really needed to establish two separate families with happiness, joy, relationships and siblings.” There were more people to love and they worked to make the kids important instead of making them feel different or like part of a different family. When his parents found people that made them happy and content, all the kids noticed and felt secure.

In a new family that included step and half siblings, much love sprung forth and wonderful relationships evolved in the new familial situation. “We didn’t differentiate between a half or step sibling,” Fensterheim adds. When it came time for family celebrations, there were always a lot of people and a lot of love!

Fensterheim believes that finding and being with the one perfect person takes time, dedication and sometimes, a little help along the way. “You need to find someone where you truly feel you can be who you are. It doesn’t mean you are always going to click. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t things about you that might even irritate your partner,” he explains. Couples can learn to appreciate and love each other, even with those idiosyncrasies.

“I am someone who truly believes and I’ve seen it over and over again in my office, that there truly isn’t any relationship, including my parents and including my own that with what we now know about how to take people from a point of disconnection to connection. There really isn’t any relationship that couldn’t be with the two people who really truly willing to work at trying to make that connection – there’s really no relationship that needs to be divorced.” Fensterheim believes that if he had found an attachment-based model earlier on, it would have saved his first marriage many years ago.

“Any relationship with the current knowledge of love can be turned around if both people want this. No family needs to undergo a divorce if both are willing and there aren’t issues around violence or substance abuse that may interfere with people being vulnerable,” Fensterheim says.

On The Couples Expert website, visitors can listen to Stuart’s current and past weekly podcasts, read his blog, and take advantage of a list of other informative resources. “Whatever the podcast for the week, I do a series called, ‘Three Minutes with Stuart,’ on YouTube which is relationship tips,” says Stuart. Through The Couples Expert, Stuart almost exclusively counsels couples on relationship issues and occasionally will counsel one-on-one surrounding issues related to a couples’ relationship.

To get started with The Couples Expert, you can schedule your complimentary 30-minute consultation with Stuart Fensterheim here. The Couples Expert is located at 7047 E. Greenway Parkway, Suite 250 in Scottsdale. Call (480) 993-1922 or visit for additional information.